How Does Clutter Affect Your Mental Health?

How many tabs do you have open right now?

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Not on your computer.

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In your head.

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I’ve got 32 on my computer scattered across 10 windows—basically 3 per window, each with a different focus.

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And I force quit them so they open back up anytime I re-launch Chrome.

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In my head? That’s 3.

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This article.

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Bookkeeping final tasks for taxes.

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And what I’m going to make for dinner.

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I have lots of other things that require or demand my attention, but those are all parked or delegated.

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So they’re not competing for my available brain bandwidth right now.

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How about you?

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Is there a stack of mail on the counter you keep meaning to go through?

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A bag of clothes by the door that you’ve been meaning to drop off for donation for at least 3 weeks or 3 months?

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How about that sticky drawer you keep meaning to adjust instead of shoving it shut with your hip?

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Each one of those is a tab.

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And every tab you leave open keeps running in the background, whether you're looking at it or not.

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You know what happens to a laptop with 97 tabs open.

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The fan kicks on.

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Every search slows down.

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And eventually the whole thing may freeze right when you need it most.

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Your brain isn't that different.

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Saturday, October 10, is World Mental Health Day, so let's talk about what all those open mental tabs are actually costing you.

WHY CLUTTER FEELS SO HEAVY

Clutter affects your mental health because every object you haven't made a decision about keeps quietly asking for one—and your brain keeps hearing the question, even when you think you've tuned it out.

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That pile isn't just a pile.

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It's a nagging reminder.

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And a pesky to-do.

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And, if you're honest, a little bit of an accusation, a threat or an admonition.

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This isn't just my opinion after 30+ years of doing this work.

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In a 2010 UCLA study, researchers asked couples to give video tours of their own homes.

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The women who described their homes with words like cluttered and unfinished had stress-hormone patterns that stayed elevated throughout the day instead of tapering off the way they normally would.

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Their mood got worse as the day went on, not better.

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The women who described their homes as restful and restorative?

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The opposite.

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Same kind of busy lives out in the world.

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Different relationship with the stuff around them.

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Which tells you something important: the clutter isn't just sitting there.

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It's working on you.

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All day long.

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Because clutter is really just deferred decisions.

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The mail isn't the problem.

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Not deciding what to do with the mail is the problem.

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Every open tab is a decision you’ve postponed but that’s still active somewhere in your brain and body.

THE MYTH: YOU'LL DEAL WITH IT WHEN YOU FEEL BETTER

Here's the lie most people tell themselves:

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"I'll tackle it once things calm down."

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"I'll get to it when I have more energy."

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"I'll clean it up once I'm in a better headspace."

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It sounds reasonable.

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It feels true.

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It's still a lie.

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Because the clutter is part of what's draining the energy you're waiting for.

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It’s trying to invest your way out of credit card debt.

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When banks are charging you almost 30% interest, you’re never gonna earn more than you’re paying to carry that load.

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It’s the same thing here.

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You're waiting to feel better before you deal with the thing that's making you feel worse.

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That's just like waiting for your laptop to speed up before you close any of those tabs.

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It's not going to happen.

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The interest keeps accumulating and the fan keeps spinning.

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And the organizing shows on TV don't help.

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They sell you the before-and-after in 44 minutes—the last-minute desperate intervention, temporary relief as you are sent away to a spa or just out of the house, the dramatic reveal, the matching baskets, bins and throw pillows, and the tearful homeowner who's been seemingly rescued.

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What they never show you is that the team on camera didn't do it alone.

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And, for all the dramatic racing to beat the clock, you don’t see all the mistakes, backtracks, and frantic phone calls trying to solve an unexpected problem.

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And perhaps most importantly, that team wasn’t having to make all those decisions on a Tuesday night after work—they were doing it all day Tuesday as their full-time job.

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I’ve been on several of these shows—one that involved a late night call from a producer where I had to intervene with the host family who were ready to kick the crew out.

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You’ll be able to read about that in my memoir.

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The point is, you should never compare your real life to a highly edited one.

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And, while you can temporarily close the door on a room that freaks you out, you can’t do that with the tabs inside your brain.

HOW TO START CLOSING TABS

I know you may be thinking you just need a free weekend to get caught up, quiet the noise and close a few tabs.

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Not this coming weekend, because you already have plans, but in two weeks, for sure.

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You’ll clear your schedule and make it happen.

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But a free weekend is not necessary—and in fact may be counterproductive.

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You just need a timer.

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Set it for 15 minutes.

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Pick one surface—or the equivalent of one tab that’s open.

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The kitchen counter.

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The top of the dresser.

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The passenger seat of your car.

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Then sort like with like, so you're making decisions within a category instead of agonizing over one item at a time.

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All the mail together.

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All the receipts together.

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All the random pens, hair ties, and loose batteries together.

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Now decide.

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Keep, toss, donate, or file.

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When the timer goes off, stop.

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Even if you're on a roll—especially if you're on a roll.

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Notice what just happened.

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A surface you've been avoiding for weeks is clear.

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A tab or two just closed.

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And that low hum in the background got a little bit quieter.

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This is another place where it gets tricky.

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We’re so wired to avoid pain more than seek pleasure that we’ll start to tell ourselves it’s not enough.

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But it is.

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When you’re so overwhelmed, overstimulated and stressed, it’s hard to feel incremental relief.

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But it is real relief.

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And that relief, small as it may be, is what builds the momentum you were waiting to feel before you started.

THE DEEPER WHY: NOT LOOKING FEELS SAFER

So if 15 minutes can make that much difference, why don't we do it?

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Because not looking feels safer than looking.

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As long as that stack of mail stays a stack, whatever's in it stays vague.

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Maybe there's a bill in there.

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Maybe a late notice.

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Maybe a letter you don't want to read.

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Of course, there may be a check, but again because of our wiring, we don’t even consider that.

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We just know that something dangerous is sitting in that pile.

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Another irony is that we frequently imagine it as a poisonous snake when it’s often just a wriggly worm.

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So we both catastrophize it and avoid it at the same time.

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Is it any wonder that our nervous system is on overdrive?

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And all of that is happening on a subconscious level.

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On the surface, we’re just living in the notion that vague discomfort is easier to carry than specific discomfort.

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That, once you know exactly what's in the pile, you're on the hook to do something about it.

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And if you don't, you’re now irresponsible instead of just messy.

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It really is a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation, when you don’t act.

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The non-action costs us every single day.

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And then we turn the clutter, those open tabs, into evidence.

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Evidence that you can't keep up.

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Evidence that everyone else is better than you.

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That you're fundamentally flawed, broken, damaged, or defective in a way that few other people are.

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That's clearly not a clutter problem anymore.

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That's a story about who you are.

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And it's a lie, too.

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Clutter isn't a character flaw.

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It's a stack of decisions that never got made.

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Usually because life was, is, or got, too busy, or something catastrophic or traumatic happened that disrupted whatever systems you had in place previously.

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When I work with private clients, I never tell them what to keep and what to let go of.

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That's not the focus of our work together.

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I’m there helping set up systems where there were none or improving systems that are no longer functional or efficient.

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And really, coaching my clients to take action instead of postponing it one more time.

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When the clock is ticking, and my fees are racking up, you’d be amazed at how quickly people are “inspired” to take clear, decisive action.

HOW, AGAIN: MAKE THE DECISION SMALLER

When the whole house feels like one giant open tab, that’s a perception problem, not a reality problem.

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You could think the best answer is to just shut down the browser and reboot the computer.

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But then you lose all that work.

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So, don't try to close it all at once.

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Just make the decision smaller.

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Not "the kitchen."

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The counter.

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Not "the paperwork."

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This week's mail.

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Not "my whole life."

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The next 15 minutes.

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And when your brain starts in with "what's the point, there's so much more"—and it will—remember the laptop.

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You don't need to close all 97 tabs to slow the fan down.

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You just need to close a few.

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Then a few more tomorrow.

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One more thing, and I mean this sincerely.

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If you're living with depression, anxiety, or anything heavier than a messy house, clutter isn't the cause and decluttering won’t be “the” cure.

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It may be a part of it, but it’s seldom, if ever, the root cause.

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Clearing a surface can still be one less thing shouting at you while you address the rest.

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Please talk to a professional you trust.

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If you need help finding a qualified professional, here are a few resources:

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NAMI HelpLine—call 1-800-950-6264 or text “NAMI” to 62640, Monday through Friday, 10:00am–10:00pm Eastern.

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SAMHSA National Helpline—call 1-800-662-4357, free and confidential, 24/7, in English and Spanish.

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FindTreatment.gov—search for licensed mental health providers near you.

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If you’re in crisis, call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org, 24/7.

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Outside the U.S.? Your doctor or local health service can point you to support where you live.

READY TO CLOSE A FEW TABS?

How long have you been waiting to feel better before you deal with the stuff that's making you feel worse?

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Want to work through it at your own pace, one decision at a time, with the full system in your hands?

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Start with Unstuff Your Life! here → https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DQ2P1YS9

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Already know you'll keep putting it off until someone's there to keep you moving?

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Join me for the next De-Stress Your Mess™ Challenge, October 12–16, 8:00–9:00pm Eastern each night, here → https://go.andrewmellen.com/dym

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Set a timer.

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Pick one surface.

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Close a few tabs.

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Start there.