Mindful Monday | What we deserve

"In the end, I don't think any of us get what we deserve. To our great good fortune."Sarah Byam

I've always hated the word "deserve," until my friend Sarah wrote this to me in a letter.At least in this context, it makes me smile.

Here is the definition of deserve:

To have earned something or be given something because of your�actions or qualities.

These charities deserve your support.

The American people deserve to know what went wrong.

I hope those crooks get what they deserve.

I have felt undeserving for most of my life.And when people talk about what they deserve, I often cringe inside if not outside at what I perceive as a ridiculous amount of entitlement based on little effort expended.I don't know what I deserve.What have I earned?How do I separate out what I am being given based on my actions versus my qualities?There may be things I am entitled to as a result of the efforts I've put forth.But what about all the things I've received that are tied to�the privilege I receive that I did nothing to deserve?I didn't work for it.It was a by-product of genetics�and supplied and protected by institutionalized racism and sexism.I certainly want to be treated with respect or at least indifference. I'd prefer not to be abused or hurt on purpose.Likewise I hope to treat people with respect and at least detached kindness and compassion. At worst, a similar dispassionate indifference.But is it my birthright simply as a human being to be treated "fairly" or with respect or kindness?Where is that written? In a bible or other religious book?If I'm entitled to it, isn't everybody? Isn't it a right or an agreement or leveraged privilege?All around me I see people treating the Earth, animals, machines and other people as if they were two-dimensional and completely disposable. Is that what these creatures and objects deserve?It's particularly confusing and upsetting since we are surrounded by self-help literature littered with this concept.You deserve better.You deserve the best.You don't deserve this.So if deserving something is based on earning it, I return to the original statement: I don't know what I deserve.Somedays I feel like I deserve nothing.As if everything is stolen and fragile and about to crumble around me.Sometimes that seems like it would be a relief.The social fabric we are all woven into that promises civility and neutrality of interference in the pursuit of reasonable security